Relapse – Reinterpreted


And it returns
Hooded unheeded
The world a blur
The wrist a scar
Suddenly once again
You don’t know who you are

A milk train of dark night
Stopped short on track
Whistles you back
To the womb of wounds
And you sigh
And stare
At an unpromising sky

Drizzles outside
Downpour within
Deluge elsewhere
And a vacant third eye

I wear my scars
With pride
Testimonial seals
Some call it a curse
Some others, tough life
And I long back
Have christened them ‘Proof’
Of battles, of Ubermensch
Of defeated javelins
Of jeopardised hope
Post mushroom cloud growths
Of isms, nihilisms
Of prophets of lies

I wear my scars
With pride
Sport wrist bands
Of an Olympian runner
Laurel twigs etched

I pick each piece
Make a peace wreath
Envelope in
Testimonial seals of pride
Stamped, duly signed
Send across to the grave
Where Nietzsche now lies
bearing a humble wordless note
“See that sir?
God is not dead.
It and us – still so Alive!
How well we Survive!”


Love Note To All Fellow Survivors :

Once again going through a bad relapse and other inner struggles, this blog was lying un-updated for long. But years of professional help and therapy has taught me one thing at least – which I have even earlier once covered in another post of mine – Feel like or not, just get up and get doing what you know is healthy and needs to be done! And I had promised myself and us all that this blog will always be as real as it gets. Much better than when the peak of relapse happened yet am still not in a perfect state to coherently pen a long article on any topic as such so once again using my little secret – write exactly on why you can’t write. So here was a poem instead of an article. On Relapse. Which EVERY Mental health battlers go through on and off. There is NO shame in accepting a relapse.

Am much grateful to a wonderful blogger and activist on Mental Health Awareness, she being a mental health survivor to severe depression herself, who remains a huge inspiration to me and my courage, Therese Borchard. She too often unabashedly uploads her relapse pictures and suicidal thoughts and sobbing videos to just prove one Beautiful point to all – Relapses happen. Relapses are not shameful. Relapses NEVER imply it’s all wasted. And You’re NOT THE ONLY ONE braving it through all the Relapses and painstaking dedication to therapy and recovery. Her lovely blog can be found here –

Hence – all the more – Dedicated to all fellow mental health strugglers, depression and anxiety warriors, borderlines, bipolars, schizophrenia and psychosis battlers, dissociative disorder, derealisation and post partum despairers, faltering addicts, looping substance abusers, cutters, suicidals in the process of recovery – and above all – us Survivors!

Still so Alive! How well we Survive!

Take care, Dear Mind

© & Author (poem, note and images included)  All Rights reserved, Nivedita Dey, 2016


4 thoughts on “Relapse – Reinterpreted

    • Nivedita Dey says:

      Btw.. this was not creating out of pain but creating while n in plane of “transcending” n defeating n duly deglorifying pain.. acknowledging it as real but transcending it.. I too learnt it from two wise souls.. only in recent months thru my therapy process.. 🙂


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